It is not about foreign policy, differences between European culture and American culture or whether we think they burn too much oil. There's no politics, no emnity about why they can't play football, rugby and cricket like every other decent nation, nor any anger over them being incapable of spelling words that end in 'our' correctly (colour, fervour, candour etc.). Nope, but it is about a word, one single word, and at the moment, after seeing what I saw yestderday, and under the concept of collective responsibility, I want all Americans to be roasted on spits.

It's simply the word Fries.

I saw an advert for MacDonalds on TV that made me so angry I nearly went out and firebombed the MacDonalds around the corner from where I live. Just say the word Fries and I am filled with hate.

When MacDonalds first moved into Britain they must have had a debate about whether they were going to use the word chips or the word fries for their reconstituted fried potato left overs. What an arrogant bunch of gits they must all be to have decided on fries. We have been eating chips in this country for well over a hundred years and a foreign company moving in and trying to redesign our language, the very stuff that underlies our culture, for their own ends cannot be forgiven.

And now this irritating new MacDonalds advert with everybody stealing each others' chips and saying "Get your own fries." No, it should be "Get your own chips." This is some pernicious cultural imperialism by an American multinational trying to teach us some Orwellian newspeak and I'm going to scream against it. No, never, I wont call them fries, they're chips. If I go to America (where they speak American) I'll use the word fries just like I'm happy to call them pommes frites in France, but in Britain they are chips and MacDonalds can sod off.

We have guns you know, and trident missiles too and we're not afraid to use them.