Curry, the German National Dish (well sort of)

Friday 17/12/2004

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Diary and Notes

It is time.

Time to reveal the secret, sickly sweet, underbelly of this often misunderstood culture called Germany. I have often considered this moment, planned for it, made the special words my mantra "Currywurst und pommes frites, currywurst and pommes frites."

It was originally going to be a Friday night joker. Something I'd save for when I had to get a curry but was somewhere it wasn't possible. It was almost used on the way to Frankfurt, where I was spared by my cunning ability to seek out and find curry anywhere on the planet. There were a few other instances when it nearly was my Friday night food, but as I was never forced by necessity to eat this, especially for you my chums, today I have eaten the thing which should not be eaten!

As you can probably gather from the above, I don't really like currywurst much. It's nothing like a real curry and it's a waste of a good sausage. It is however 'the German national dish' and as such and because it's a curry night and this is the nearest thing Germans ever really get to real curry, I have to have one - but no ordinary one, I am going for the monster.

In a far away country somewhere in the heart of our continent lies a small town, famous for it's scientific history. In this small town, come crimble time, the locals arrange a great and wondrous crimble market. Here the happy burghers gather to drink the gluwein and eat the bratwurst and grunkohl that are grown by the small kobolds who inhabit the mountains to the North. This is a fine old tradition that dates back to the first peace accord between Conrad the Second (King of Germany 1027-1039) and Little Stinky the Sixth (chief of the Hartz Mountain Kobolds June 1026- August 1026). However some time around 1980 an evil kobold by the name of Cheese Breath the Fourth, decided to genetically engineer his bratwurst plant into an abomination against god and all that is good and holy. One dark night, while a tempest raged above the town and lightning lit up the mountains the currywurst was born. A giant, sickly sweet, sausage from Hades, all chopped into tiny pieces and covered with a strange tomato tasting sauce that is actually the juice from the poisonous giant toad-eye fungus. This half metre long monstrosity soon insinuated its way into the crimble market and began its evil work. Take care my children, for one could be coming for you!

I have often praised the quality of German cuisine in the past. Today I shall say only this: A half metre long German sausage, chopped, covered in really sickly tomato sauce and sprinkled with a little bland curry powder. Served in a baguette with a giant plate of chips and mayonnaise. The crowd of people wolfing down these things nearly made me weep with sadness.




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Sachertorte: Austria's most famous cake. The name (and recipe) is copyright protected by the hotel Sache in Wien. A very rich chocolate torte. Bloomin' marvelous.

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