I made a mistake some time ago. A scientist I know, asked me if I would be willing to take part in a study for him. We all know a scientist don't we? You can usually tell them by their crazy hair, labs coats, twitching, scary staring eyes and odd German accents. He's researching how muscle becomes weaker as we get older and needed some saggy old middle aged men like me, for his trial. Just to emphasise the point, I should add that he is actually German and any reference to Dr. Frankenstein is well made.

He assured me the trial would be painless and involve little effort on my part - he was correct for the most part, but only the most part.

Today I took part in the study. I went to his lab, which was nothing like Dr Frankenstein’s lab at all - it was clean well organised and very clinical looking. There was a very big MRI scanner which I had to lie on in various positions for ½ an hour, leading me into a false sense of security. According to Tim (Igor) the guy who conducted the test (not German - Dutch) most people find lying on a bed for half an hour quite boring. I loved it. It was the best thing that has happened to me in weeks. Very relaxing. Almost like going to a spa.

But that was just the first bit of the test. The second involved being strapped into a chair and having on leg tied down and an ultrasound scan of my muscles, while I tensed my leg as hard as I could - still no problem.

Then I had to straighten my leg while a machine measured my strength. I don't think Igor was too impressed with my efforts, but all went well.

But the last part - the electrodes - this I didn't like.

Two electrodes are placed on the leg (much like the ones in a Tens machine, but bigger) and Igor says he is going to stimulate the leg to 30% of the strength I had previously recorded. He then electrocuted me over and over again. It wasn't too bad, but as I said at the time, I wouldn't pay for the experience.

I thought is was all over, until he explained that the final test was a mixture of the previous two. Having my strength measured while at the same time being electrocuted. The idea was as follows:

My leg is strapped down. The electrodes will pulse my thigh and after they do, I have to try my hardest to straighten my leg. While I am doing this I will receive three more shocks, before I can relax.

"Three, two, one..." BZZZZZBZZZ.

GGrrrrr (that's me straining.) Bzzz, grrrr, bzzz, grrrr, bzzz.... phew.

And that was it.

But is wasn't. So shocked was I at being electrocuted, I hadn't been straining hard enough and my leg had relaxed a bit during the exercise. We'd have to do it again. Water boarding come to mind?

This time I was fired up - I was going to do a good one.

"Drei, Zwei, Eins..." BZZZZZZZZZZ.

And that's when my neck went.

During the test on my leg to determine how degenerate and crappy I am, I twisted my neck and now I can't look up, down, left, right or straight ahead.

Never agree to do anything.

If somebody asks for your help, run.

I suggest as a method of living your life guilt free, hire a poor down and out or student, at a pittance, to do these things for you, while you get on with having a miserable, but agony free existence.

As I mentioned yesterday I had something special up my sleeve today. It probably doesn't look that special to you, but I've been trying to get hold of proper beef hot dogs for ages. They used to sell them in the Kosher section in Tesco but they don't anymore. I've looked everywhere for them but with no luck (I could have ordered them on the internet but I am too mean to pay a delivery charge just for a pack of sausages). To my joy, I noticed a pack of 5 in the chiller counter in the Khawaja Brothers in Chorlton - less than two minutes walk from my house. I had to buy them.

As such it was hot dogs today - Chicago style. No ketchup, but mustard (French's American), pickle, chopped onion, tomatoes and celery salt, plus two pickled Cayenne peppers for a bit of zing.

Just to get the whole feel going we had some fried chicken, chips (fries of course, sorry) and a bit bottle of Budweiser to wash it all down. The kids didn't have beer, they had to make do with lemonade.

I put a video of some excellent Chicago Blues on today as it went with the feel of dinner. I couldn't get the original Little Walter version as it's protected. When does copyright run out on this stuff? It was recorded in the fifties, so should be free by now, shouldn't it? Enjoy.