1. People who have very well behaved children who eat their vegetables
2. People who earn loads of money and take their kids on expensive holidays in France
3. People who have enormous houses and gardens, where their children run around free, living a carefree and fun life
4. Anybody really, who doesn't seem to be pulling their hair out in frustration or ageing faster than is normal

Over and above this there is one thing which really grinds at the soul but which is supposed to make your life easier - Kids TV.

I'm not having a go at kids TV itself. Without it we would have to talk to our children all the time, even when they have just returned from school, tired and irritable and ready to explode into a screaming rage at the slightest provocation. Of course there are programmes I absolutely despise - usually the saccharine ones that seem to be designed by a team of trendy psychologists with no sense of humour, irony or art and with a political agenda which is often very misplaced for such an environment (Barney, Waybuloo, Little People, Cloudbabies and Tommy Zoom being the ones that seem to fit the bill the most) but there are far more really great ones (Peppa Pig, Nuzzle and Scratch, Abney & Teal, Charlie & Lola, Yo Gabba Gabba, Dipdap...). Beyond this there is another genre of programmes which just seem to make your life harder - making programmes.

There have always been programmes such as these and in theory they are great. They show children how to create a castle out of old boxes, fashion their own jewellery out of old sweet wrappers and rustle up a six course banquet for 20 unexpected guests on a budget of 20p. All very useful - until you actually try to do any of this.

Almost every programme I can think of where they show children how to make things involves an adult doing the task in the complete absence of children. There are exceptions, but in these cases the actual input of the children is so strictly regulated that the kids have no actual input to the creative process whatsoever. In addition, everything that is made in this programmes has been researched, designed and tested, then practised and rehearsed, before being edited to make it look slick and easy. But it is never so easy. Of course it would be easy for me to make these things, given the materials, the time and a bottle of brandy to ease the tedium, but for me get a three year old and a five year old to do these things is a different matter entirely. Nothing, absolutely nothing ever comes out as it should.

Today, having seen how to do this on I Can Cook, Eve (3 years old) wanted to make Boreks. Like a twit I went out with Eve and bought some filo pastry in my "Let's have a go" optimism. But of course it didn't work out as it should. It's just not too easy getting a three year old to put things where you want them, dab water in the correct place or fold things into little triangles over and over again.

So no Boreks. Instead, Eve went off to watch TV while I made something else from the filo pastry.

At least I tried.