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We argue.
Every dinner time is a war zone.
There is no sitting down, backs straight, slowly chewing our food, one chew, two chews... the ticking of a clock in the background, "Pass the salt please daddy.", "Could I have another steamed sprout please Mummy?"
This is my idea of a perfect family dinner. Although at about 20 seconds in, a slightly bored looking woman starts photographing her glass of water to keep herself sane no doubt.
This is more like it or this but not this.
There's something about British families (generally middle class) that means meal times are turned into lessons - every breakfast, lunch and dinner is an exercise in how to sit, how to hold a knife and fork, how to chew, how to breathe.
What happened to eating? It is almost as if the food itself becomes second place to the manners. We, as a nation, are obsessed with having our children be 'proper', well behaved, adult.
It's probably some remnant of bonkers Edwardians and Vicorians and their obsession with class: If you don't know the difference between a pickle fork and a runcible spoon you are certainly not "our type".
My children are monsters - truly the worst dinner guests you could ever wish for, loud, effusive, excitable, but above all, children.
They don't sit still or stay and listen to boring conversations about whether Britain should stay in the EU or which port goes best with a mature stilton - and why should they?
To quote Dylan Thomas - "Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
Let the little monsters rage.
Home made pizza today - if the photos hadn't already given the game away.
The kids made their own, Toni and I had: Parma Ham, Goat's cheese and Basil Oil (no tomato). Salami, Mozarella, Orange Pepper and Red Chilli. Artichoke*, Mozarella, Olive and Mushroom
*I bought some artichoke antipasti from Quality Save in Chorlton for £1.00. They cost a lot more normally
| Pizza Dough 300g (Good) Bread Flour 2 tsp Dried Yeast 1/2 tsp Salt Pinch Sugar 1 TBSP Olive Oil |
Making pizza is easy - otherwise there wouldn't be millions of pizza take aways all over the globe where snotty teenagers roll out dough with unwashed hands while listening to Bruno Mars on their IPhones. Children can make pizza, but I wouldn't follow the advice of celebrity chef James Martin who ruined a poor 9 year old Glaswegian boy's day by telling him he had to buy 00 flour and semolina to make pizza (exactly 1 hour 9 mins in). Poor Dave - a simple "Get some bread flour, yeast, a pinch of sugar to get the yeast going, olive oil, salt and water." would have done. I Googled this and found out that the only other person recommending this is Jamie Oliver who says it gives the pizza extra colour - everybody else just uses flour.
I didn't have any 00 flour so used McDougals bread flour. My only advice is, knead the dough really well, let it rise for a long time, and don't put tomato purée right to the edge as this makes the pizza burn a little. It also helps to get the oven really hot and let it stay hot for a good while before you put the pizzas in. This way the latent heat of the oven will keep it hot when you open the door, rather than it just being the air that is hot and the oven goes cool when you open it. Also - from my experience - children prefer thicker pizzas and adults prefer thin pizzas.
To make the dough: Dissolve the yeast in tepid water and a little sugar, leave it for an hour and do something else. Mix in the flour, salt and oil,
add more water or flour if necessary to make a good dough. Knead really well. Leave to rise for about two hours, knead again. Cut tennis ball sized pieces off
and roll out nice and thin. Cover with toppings and bake about 10 minutes is easily enough.
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